10
May
Diseases of the Mind, From India
Last week I decided to go to the grand opening of Winco, a store that is comparable to Wal-Mart. The parking lot was packed with vehicles and people. Once I got into the store I thought that I would be able to walk through and check out some of the bargains, but I was sorely mistaken. There were hundreds of people throughout the store. There was no way to causally stroll down the aisles. I was surrounded by people on all sides and trying to pick up some of the great advertised deals. While I was near the bulk almonds and waiting my turn there were shoppers all around trying to get some of the other bulk items near me. It was at this moment when I started to get paranoid. I realized most of the shoppers around me were male and I began to imagine that they were going to touch me inappropriately. I tried to maneuver myself so that I was out of there way and so that there was no way they could touch me, but as soon as I moved out of the way of one male shopper I was in the way of another. After a few seconds of paranoid thoughts and maneuvers my mind started to say, “This is not India, this is Utah. Men won’t do that here.” I would then start to feel more relaxed, but then a male would reach close to me to get a product and all the paranoia would start again.
I was in the crowded store for an hour and a half and not once did a male try to touch me. NOT ONCE! If I were walking to the crowded vegetable market in Kochi, the number of times that someone would try to touch me, or succeed at doing so, would definitely be in the double digits.
Will this fear that a man in a crowd is going to touch me ever go away? Will I always feel paranoid when I am in a crowd of men? Will this disease of the mind that originated in Kochi, where male perversion runs high, ever leave me?
May 10th, 2010 at 12:19 pm
Only Cure is stay away from the male crowd!!
May 14th, 2010 at 6:40 pm
Well, it’s an open secret about the perversion in Kochi and Kerala in general. The population is generally hypocritical about sexual matters mainly because it is a fascinating mix of hindu-christian-muslim cultural ethos (I bet you never thought about the religious angle). I have no intention of hurting religious sentiments so I’ll save this for later.
Another reason could be the connection Kerala men make between white women -> porn -> sexual availability.
What I’d recommend is exactly what I did when I couldn’t stand my family complaining about lewd getures/comments all the time -> Find another Indian city to go live in and make it outside Kerala for sure.
May 14th, 2010 at 7:42 pm
Robin: That is ridiculous.
Vickram: I am prat of a Hindu/Christian marriage. I would love to hear you elaborate on the religious angle.
May 15th, 2010 at 7:17 pm
Kerala is a little different from ‘all’ other Indian states in that the population is almost equally divided amongst the 3 religions I’d mentioned earlier. The cultural ethos among the 3 religions pull the society in opposite directions. Hindusim is not an organized religion as are Islam and Christianity and therefore there never were any rules established in relation to what is taboo and what is not. Sex was a just a natural function humans indulged in. From what I’ve read, the society was pretty progressive, sexually, ergo ‘The Kamasutra’.
Now entered the Abrahmaic religions, first Christianity with the papal diktats on abstinence etc. The population of Kerala were amongst the first in South Asia to be exposed to organized religion and Christianity was the first to introduce social rules.
Islam had an even bigger impact on the population with regards to what was considered acceptable…and what is not.
Generations of exposure to contradictory ideologies perhaps impacts the way Keralites think. And the way they think, is not what the society accepts.
May 16th, 2010 at 2:56 am
@ Vickram : Kerala is not the only state where you find these kind of Harassment towards women. I had been to many cities in northern & southern parts of India, where you see similar behavior. So i don’t think running away from Kerala will help much.
May 16th, 2010 at 11:40 pm
@ Arun G : Rural north India is feudal and illiterate. You really cannot expect too much chivalry there. Urban areas like Delhi, Chandigarh etc. are way better than Kerala in every aspect regarding dignity of women.
And honestly, Kerala is a “sexual pressure cooker” to use a cliche. The kinds that I have never experienced anywhere in the world.
Kochi is just an overgrown cave for cavemen. No offence.
May 17th, 2010 at 12:16 am
I have to say i agree with Vickram. I traveled to Delhi, Agra, Kajaro(spelling is wrong), and Chennai and never experience sexual harassment in any of those places.
May 23rd, 2010 at 3:08 pm
wow i shuld have read ur blog few months ago my sister got married recently and went to to honeymoon kerala in feb. one of my cousin who lives near to kerala told women wont travel in the bus late in the evening due to sexual harassment. i never believed it bec my image of kerala was different. my father said women dont travel late bec of snakes late in the evening and he says women are tough workers in rural kerala than men.but now i know the real reason. hope yoga helps u to overcome in ur mind. anyway most probably am not going to kerala for honeymoon pbly next year and i think sikkim is a great place to go and i have been there before. in ur case u shuld have reported to police abt the theatre incident and that is a mistake on ur part. the same has happened to my cousin sister in coimabatore (TN) in a movie theatre we beat the shit out of the 4 to 5 men and took them to the police station and gave a formal complaint . for the evil to flourish when we show indifference and dont act and be a silent spectator and if more men and women act when a person is harassed evil stops. young boys are also harrassed in theatres. i have been when i was 13 and first went to the theatre alone bec my dad said u have become a big guy and u can go to movies alone. so young boys are also vulnerable to sexual harassment in india as any part of the world. but most men dont speak abt it
May 23rd, 2010 at 3:10 pm
i meant i have been sexually harassed when i was 13 in a theatre in the earlier comments i have posted
May 23rd, 2010 at 3:20 pm
if u want to see the real india it is rural india. ppl are so kind but if u mess with rural folks they will break ur bones. next time travel the rural india u will fall in love with india. india is vast and diverse it is a continent (sub-continent) itself and cant be called a country and hence u cannot view india only through kochi hope someday u get to see the length and breadth of my country and its people and hospitality cant be measured anywhere in earth. i have lived and worked in usa and i know what i missed the people and smile of india when i was there in usa. i hope kochi nightmares wont define india to u in future
June 19th, 2010 at 12:28 am
Your views are almost right.But you have to understand one thing we cannot expect everything to be same as in USA.people are different in different regions and their culture do vary.
I have heard of my relatives who complain that they cannot accept the US culture so they want their children to be brought up in India itself and when they reach at least 20’s they have to be taken back.You just change to other cities like Bangalore , Mumbai, Chennai etc.I am sure your misconception will change.
India is growing and is expected to be the next superpower.India’s potential is its youth probably one of the most happiest in the world.I bet they will change India and by2050 India will surpass even the US economy.
India is fast changing but Kerala has always missed the bus.Kerala is probably a few Indian state which was ruled by the communist parties.
July 22nd, 2010 at 4:41 am
I agree to your point. Kerala did not gain cultural freedom yet. I was a victim at the age of 12 when one of my cousins tried to harass me sexually. I still do not go to his house in Kochi, neither do I talk to him even though it happened 20 years ago. I slapped one guy in a cinema when he tried to touch my sister (and was immediately assaulted by the spectators). The reason I believe is a community which is not open to sex. Why don’t they have brothels in Kerala where these people can go, have sex and pay for it? Why can’t the government make it legal rather than backing the police to raid such places? There are many in Mumbai, Kolkota and a few other major cities in India and elsewhere. I think this is the only solution. But then imagine, if that would be legal, I bet there will be more spectators than the actual visitors to the brothels since every Malayalee is a camera, a sort of cctv’s. An average Malayalee watches porno movies (few of them tries to peep in to their neighbor’s bathroom to watch the female members taking shower, or a public pond near a temple where a group of women bath and wash their clothes) to quench their thirst for sex. And whenever they see a foreigner, they try to fantasize, link them to what they watch on porno daily. A friend of mine, who is 40 years old, never married, was caught twice by the police for prostitution which is illegal in India. Where can he go? The society does not accept live-in relationships, unlike in the west, the casual girlfriend-boyfriend stuff. I lived in Kerala for 23 years and later on moved abroad. The Malayalees I met in these cities are much better than the ones in Kerala. I think a Malayalee who boards a plane transforms in to some cultural Guru to adapt into that particular culture. I am glad that you didn’t take a crowded public bus where you have to commute standing; it would have been a disaster! It’s a cauldron of bollocks when it comes to sex in Kerala, its not Gods own country, its Dogs own country!