10

May

Diseases of the Mind, From India

Last week I decided to go to the grand opening of Winco, a store that is comparable to Wal-Mart.  The parking lot was packed with vehicles and people.  Once I got into the store I thought that I would be able to walk through and check out some of the bargains, but I was sorely mistaken.  There were hundreds of people throughout the store.  There was no way to causally stroll down the aisles.  I was surrounded by people on all sides and trying to pick up some of the great advertised deals.  While I was near the bulk almonds and waiting my turn there were shoppers all around trying to get some of the other bulk items near me.  It was at this moment when I started to get paranoid.  I realized most of the shoppers around me were male and I began to imagine that they were going to touch me inappropriately.  I tried to maneuver myself so that I was out of there way and so that there was no way they could touch me, but as soon as I moved out of the way of one male shopper I was in the way of another. After a few seconds of paranoid thoughts and maneuvers my mind started to say, “This is not India, this is Utah.  Men won’t do that here.”  I would then start to feel more relaxed, but then a male would reach close to me to get a product and all the paranoia would start again.

I was in the crowded store for an hour and a half and not once did a male try to touch me.  NOT ONCE!  If I were walking to the crowded vegetable market in Kochi, the number of times that someone would try to touch me, or succeed at doing so, would definitely be in the double  digits.

Will this fear that a man in a crowd is going to touch me ever go away?  Will I always feel paranoid when I am in a crowd of men?  Will this disease of the mind that originated in Kochi, where male perversion runs high, ever leave me?