Absolutely true ! I second everything you have said. I lived a charmed and liberal life. But I may be part of a miniscule percentage of women in kerala who live such lives. My housemaid suffers silently when her husband drinks and beats her up. I tried to talk to him, but he thought I was interfering in their private life. I have met young women who thought marriage would be the ultimate happiness . And after marriage they realise what a mistake they made. I am not generalising, but, its most often the case. And I’m also not talking of the many young men and women in all strata of society , who have perfectly happy marriages.
Who is to blame for this malaise ? The young men grow up seeing their fathers beating up their mothers and they think it is their right to do the same to their wives. The girls who see this happening in their own homes, think they can escape by getting married, but sadly, the story is repeated.
But , this is not true of only Kerala. In other states of India , one hears of mothers aiding and abetting their sons in burning to death their daughters in law, because they have not brought in enough of dowry . Girl children are aborted ,or sometimes discarded after they are born . Hard to believe in this century – but its true.
About the cinema theatre and bus travel, when I was a schoolgirl, we used to go to theatres and travel on buses with large pins in our hands. Anyone who tried to misbehave got it from us. I taught my two daughters to do the same, and my elder girl once broke a guys nose when he tried to touch her on a bus. She was applauded by the other women in the bus !! Sad state of affairs , but nothing much has changed over the years.

Its always a sad thing that a foreigner (and a woman especially) has to meet unscrupulous people the hard way. We should teach the equality of sexes and respect for all people from 1st grade itself. I recall a subject called moral science, but no mention of respect for women. Here as always, women are expected to be saints.

It will do wonders if kids are taught to praise the equality of the sexes along with all the other stuff being drilled into young minds today: respect for parents, the virtues of democracy, unity in diversity, civic sense etc. Its high time that the people reject any bias against half its population, as wave after wave of scientific evidence rolls in, the bias has no solid ground to stand on.

Though it is a true post about the women and the sufferings of women in Kerala, not all the women suffer the same thing. As a woman she always had the fear in her mind that she is a women and she will be the target for the rest of the men in the society. I am also a Kerala woman who did her studies till the bachelors from Kerala schools and colleges. I have heard so many stories about the bad experience from my friends in the buses, theatres and almost all the public places. 95% of these girls never reacted to the situation and the men behind this use that like anything. I also had a bad experience in a theatre. But what I did to that man would have made him to stop all these IMMATURE activities. So women should be courageous to do things as the reflex to those activities. Education in a right way and the growing family background are the main reason which changes the girls mind. As Melissa noted Kerala is a male dominating society. Even in almost all the houses boys are treated one step above the girls. So from the childhood itself mind of boys will be like a dominating kind and girls will be ready to accept this fact. If there is no change in this behavior from the parents (most of them are well educated, still) then the situation will be the same for always…

First of All ,before starting to speak , let me thank you for such a great article . Indeed you have spoken the truth in its most plain manner on behalf of a large multitude of people including me. Being a keralite for the last 21 years i never realized how this place could be a God’s own country , when it accommodates of ‘satans’ (even though the scenic beauty is awesome) . Anyway I don’t think the attitude will change because each new generation here are spoon fed with the dessert of ideologies these people posses.. Only a few do use their brains, and only a few among them do really act upon it…

Sad to hear about your experience,even though you were a guest , but the fact is, this is what almost every female in kerala whether she is of 10yrs or living in her mid 50’s faces everyday . And this has become so common, that (almost) every girl has lost her ability to react and has learned to ‘take it easy'(as it is taught by their male counter parts) , the mothers now teach their daughters that this is what is meant to be a ‘woman’ . .

I wish you best of luck ‘exploring’ kerala and bringing out more like these.

You are right, this kind of features are written by many ppl, published by many dailies. But unless the man changes, the writings cant make a difference. Yes, thanks for the writeup, atleast it will bring awareness or remind woman/girls once again about the happenings in public and private.
Take care woman…

really sad for ur experience in Kerala.. being from the ‘male’ category is really embarassing me now.. i personally always try my best to present the best face of Kerala, nd wud try and help any stranded and confused tourist ( including tourists frm India )

Dear Melisa
Yes right!!! you find out the real story of Kerala women problems.

shinod ap

Hi melissa.
I like ur blog.

Stumbled on this blog. You have honestly ripped off the fascade of the ’empowered women of Kerala’ and exposed the harsh realities a woman has to face in this ‘literate’ state.

As for Kerala having the highest suicide rates, one of the reasons is that all suicides are recorded in Kerala unlike other states in India where suicides are far more, where suicides are not recorded and not recognised.

Sadly Melissa, it’s all true. For all the talk of being a forward thinking state, we remain grossly perverted in these matters. I wish I could say things are changing for the better but not really.. Things remain the same even after 2 decades here in Kerala.. I can vouch for that fact

True , But Most of the women are not reporting the cases. You done a Good Job, Keep Blogging.

Landed up from twitter seeing your kerala male attitude topic trending on my time line. As a malayali aka keralite I completely accept what u have scribbled. Never feel that all the males in Kerala are alike. There are some 4% or 5% males who are unable to control their feelings.

“I now understand the reason for women’s lines in all public places. Really, though, the women’s lines don’t work. While the women are in the line, men are harassing them from the men’s line. This is the same reason there is a woman’s area on all buses”

Thats a fact. Kerala is the only place where we have special seats for ladies in bus and special lines for ladies which never works.

Hope u will have peaceful days ahead.. God bless U…

hey melissa, found your website from https://www.facebook.com/kochitips/posts/424288577624914
interesting discussion/debate going on about your post, you are missing out.

Gods own country, Devils own people !!!!

very sad to hear this. 🙁

Having read this I thought it was rather informative.

I appreciate you finding the time and energy to put this content together.
I once again find myself personally spending way too much time both reading and commenting.
But so what, it was still worth it!